


Only You

by AngelsFallFirst



Category: Nightwish
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-09-30 12:20:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelsFallFirst/pseuds/AngelsFallFirst
Summary: It started with the sentence "Just once."But then it happened again.And again and again and again.





	1. 1998 - July

Tarja woke up in the middle of the night.   
It was dark, her mind was turning and she had no idea where she was.  
Usually she slept with an open window, but it was pitch dark, so it had to be closed. She sat up, immediately feeling a wave of nausea wash over her.  
Oh, right. That party from the day before ...  
Tarja must have fallen asleep in some random bed.  
She tried to remember previous happenings, it couldn't be that she remembered nothing!   
What a party. Tarja couldn't remember when she had had that much to drink ...  
And suddenly it hit her. She wasn't only in a foreign bed, she was also naked!  
Her heartbeat increased as she let her hand wander along her body, testing if she was completely naked.  
She was.  
Tarja panicked. She never slept naked. Not completely, not even in summer.  
Where was she?  
She knew that Tero had thrown the party but somehow she could also remember that she had left the party ...  
Together with someone. It had to be.  
She held her breath, concentrating on noises around her.  
And really.  
Someone was breathing right next to her.  
"Hello?" Tarja whispered, her whole body shaking. If it was a stranger, she needed to leave now.  
She tried to find a lamp on the nightstand but there was none.  
"Hello?" she whispered again and now let her hands travel to the other side, to the person next to her. "Who ... are you?"  
She touched him and her heart stopped. A man. And he was naked too.  
Okay. Now seriously, who was it?  
She wanted to touch his face but halfway on her way up, someone took her hand and moved it down again.  
Tarja wanted to pull her hand away but somehow this feeling was thrilling. She knew that this guy couldn't be a stranger, not even in a very drunken state she would just leave with a stranger!  
He moved her hand under the blanket, making her feel his erection.  
And then he moaned lightly.  
Tarja breathed hard. She knew that voice ...  
He put his hand away and Tarja started stroking his very hard dick.  
She caressed the tip, wondering if it really was the one whom she thought of ...  
There was only one way to find out.  
"Say my name," she whispered and the man moaned again.  
"Oh, Tari ..."  
Tarja's heart jumped.  
Only one man called her like that.  
"Tarja ... Oh, Tari ..."  
While she continued caressing him, she could feel herself getting wet, alone through hearing his voice moan her name again and again.  
She moved her hand away from his penis, just to move herself over him, straddle him.  
"Say my name again," she whispered into his ear while she lowered herself on his middle.  
"Oh my god, Tarja," Tuomas moaned again and grabbed her hips. "Oh my ... My goodness ... Fuck me ..."  
"Call me your _goddess,_" Tarja whispered while she sat down on him slowly, making her wet folds cover his tip.  
"My goddess," he breathed, "My wonderful, amazing, beautiful goddess!"  
And Tarja sat down on his hardness, breathing lightly. He wasn't exactly small, so she could feel his length stretch her insides. It felt amazing.  
"You're so wet," Tuomas moaned and dug his fingernails into her flesh. "Ride me, Tarja, ride me ..."  
Tarja couldn't believe what was happening, this was Tuomas, her best friend.  
And she was riding him, making herself tight around him, moving her hips up and down and back and forth.  
"Oh my ... goddess!" Tuomas breathed and Tarja could feel how his hands started to shake. "Oh my ... I'm so close, Tari, so close ..."  
Tarja leaned down. "Come for me," she mumbled, rocking faster. "Come inside of me, I want to feel it ..."  
With a loud moan he released himself into her and Tarja collapsed on him.  
He hugged her tightly. "What ... what was that?"  
"I don't know." Tarja laughed lightly. "How did we end up in bed together?"  
"I wanted to bring you home but you insisted to stay with me," Tuomas whispered. "We talked and around three you fell asleep for a while."  
"And then I woke up and you were hard," Tarja said and chuckled.  
"Well, how couldn't I be hard?" Tuomas said lowly. "With a goddess next to me ..."  
"So, what now?" Tarja asked. She felt a little embarrassed.  
"Now," Tuomas said. "Now you will lay on your back and I will make you come harder than ever before in your life."

Tarja woke up again, this time there was light shining through the window though.  
Huh? Had it been a dream?  
She turned around and spotted Tuomas next to her - still naked. She looked down at herself and realised that it hadn't been a dream.  
But what should she do now?  
Tarja decided to leave, they weren't a couple, this had to stay a one night stand.  
Carefully, she didn't want to wake her friend up, she left the bed and started looking for her clothes.  
"Morning," a sudden voice said while she stepped into her panties.  
Tarja turned around and caught Tuomas staring at her, his eyes hungry.  
"Hey," Tarja said with a smile and without thinking she slipped back into the bed with only her panties on. "How did you sleep?"  
"What do you think?" Tuomas said lowly and cupped one of her breasts, starting to play with her nipple. Tarja moaned quietly.  
"Tuomas ..."  
"It's wrong," Tuomas mumbled and Tarja sighed.  
"Yes ... we're best friends and band mates."  
"But you're so damn sexy," Tuomas mumbled and touched her other boob. "And so beautiful and fucking good in bed."  
"Likewise," Tarja chuckled. "But ... it's still so wrong."  
"Hmm," Tuomas pulled his hand away and sighed. "You're right. I really needed you last night -"  
"I could feel that," Tarja laughed and kissed his forehead. "And I really needed you. After everything that happened lately, my break up and all ..."  
"Please tell me I was better than him," Tuomas said. "In bed."  
Tarja grinned. "You were."  
"Still you won't sleep with me again?" Tuomas asked with puppy eyes.  
"Tuo ... I can't!" Tarja kissed his cheek. "We're in the same band and I consider you my best friend. It would be really awkward -"  
"It already is quite awkward," Tuomas countered and Tarja laughed.  
"You're right. And if we said this it will never happen again? That we'll never talk about it again?"  
"Deal," Tuomas said. "A one night stand. It happened just once and it will never happen again."  
"Just once," Tarja repeated and then her lips met his. Just for a few seconds, then she pulled away. "I should leave now," she said. "Let's pretend as if nothing had happened."  
"Okay," Tuomas said. "What exactly do you mean though?"  
Tarja laughed and slipped out of the bed again.  
Just once.  
Just once ...

At first it worked well.  
They didn't talk about it anymore and tried not to think of it anymore.  
At first it was hard for both of them but it worked.  
Tuomas wrote new songs and enjoyed the summer, Tarja flew to Greece with a friend and forgot Tuomas while flirting with strangers on the beach or at night on the dance floor.  
Sometimes, when she thought a guy was nice enough, they did more than just flirting. And as she returned to Kitee more than a week later, she had almost forgotten about the night with Tuomas. Almost.

"Had a nice week?" Tuomas greeted her as she entered the studio. Her skin was tanned and he could see the white stripes of where her bikini had been.  
He bit his lower lip. She was damn sexy ...  
"I had, thanks," Tarja replied and took off her sunglasses. "It's quite cold in Finland."  
"Are you kidding me? It's way too hot here," Emppu called out and hugged Tarja shortly. "You look like you've spent years in Greece."  
Tarja laughed. "I was only gone for ten days! But yes, I feel like it too."  
Her look wandered to Tuomas and she smiled. He was looking at her with a strange expression in his face. If he thought of their night?  
"You look good," he said. "The tan suits you."  
Tarja smiled at him and ran her fingers through her dark hair. Tuomas could see blonde peak out on her hairline, she hadn't dyed her hair in a while. He smiled back at her and her cheeks blushed.

"Haven't we said we would only do it just once?" Tarja mumbled against his chest.  
"I think so," Tuomas mumbled back and traced his fingers along her spine. Tarja shivered. "Sorry. I couldn't resist. You looked so sexy and beautiful ..."  
"Because of my tan?" Tarja placed her chin on his chest and looked at him.  
"Hm, that too. But also your charisma. You looked so fresh and happy. I love seeing you like that."  
He inhaled as Tarja sunk her lips on his nipple, letting her tongue flicker around it. "This has to be our last time, though," she whispered and kissed his skin.  
"I don't know if I can resist you," Tuomas mumbled. "You're so amazing in bed ..."  
"I know." Tarja grinned. "Hmm ..."  
"You little vixen," Tuomas whispered and closed his eyes. "I need to work on my self-restraint. I come way too fast ..."  
"That's because I'm so good in bed," Tarja said and Tuomas nodded.  
"It has to be that."  
"We could work on it together," Tarja said quietly.  
Tuomas didn't answer for a while, then he looked down at her. Her cheeks were pink.  
"What do you mean, my beauty?" He reached down to caress her face.  
"Well ... ever heard of friends with benefits?"  
"Sure ..." Tuomas said slowly and his eyes widened. "Would that mean - do you want to say -?" He inhaled.  
"Yes," Tarja answered. "You and I could ... try it. Have sex whenever we want to, without feelings getting involved. Secretly, of course. Just you and I can know about it ..."  
"I don't know, Tarja," Tuomas said.  
"You can of course meet other women while we're doing this," she continued. "And I'll date other men. It's something casual between us ... just sex. We've done it twice already, so why not doing it more often?"  
"The idea is good," Tuomas said. "But I don't think I want to do it."  
"Why not?" Tarja asked. "Don't you want to sleep with me again?"  
"That's not it," Tuomas quickly said. "No, I would like to know that I'm the only one you're sleeping with. You know?"  
"You mean you would like to have a relationship?" Tarja asked. "You're my best friend, Tuomas."  
"And you're mine, so no, I don't want a relationship. But I ..." Tuomas looked at her. "I don't know. Maybe I don't want to ruin our friendship."  
"Sounds plausible," Tarja mumbled. "Do you think those two times have ruined it already?"  
"Never," Tuomas answered. "Our friendship is strong. But ... we shouldn't do it again. This time for real."  
"This time for real," Tarja agreed. "Just twice."  
Tuomas laughed. "I'm having a déjà vu here."  
Tarja laughed and got out of the bed. "I'm going home now. Need to wash my things, they're soaking wet."  
"Mhh, yes you were." Tuomas closed his eyes and moaned, earning a light slap on his shoulder.  
"You need to stop making such dirty jokes when I'm close," Tarja said. "Otherwise I'll just jump at you."  
"I would like that," Tuomas said, "but I know what we've agreed on. You should really go now. Just twice?"  
"Just twice," Tarja chuckled and leaned down, kissing his cheek. "See you, Tuo."


	2. 1998 - December

The Christmas party had arrived.  
Another party.  
Tarja sighed as she applied lipstick to her lips and checked herself in the mirror again. She had at least ten more minutes before Tuomas would pick her up, since he lived close to her they had agreed that this would be the best.  
They hadn't met since the recording of the new album.  
But now the album was released and they had to celebrate it - alongside with Christmas.  
Tarja had returned to Kitee from Helsinki only a few hours ago and was surprised to find her apartment empty. She had given it to her younger brother Toni, he lived there when Tarja wasn't at home.  
But somehow she was alone now ...  
Not thinking about it any longer she applied mascara and stepped back to check her face in the mirror.  
Good.  
Now she only needed to find a good outfit.  
Just as she opened her wardrobe, the doorbell startled her.  
Toni - was her first thought but Toni had a key, he wouldn't ring the bell.  
Tarja checked the clock again - could Tuomas be eight minutes early?  
With a smile on her face she rushed to the door, only clad in underwear, and looked through the door spy.  
Tuomas ...  
Now she ripped the door open, giggling about his surprised look.  
His eyes wandered down her body, she could see him swallow as he reached her hips. She leaned against the door frame in a seductive way. "Looking for me?"  
"I don't know," Tuomas replied, "Who are you?"  
"Oh come on," Tarja laughed and stepped aside. "I wasn't gone for such a long time."  
"Three months are long for me," Tuomas said gently and stepped inside. "You look amazing. Will you go like that?"  
"Of course not, only you may see me like that." Tarja closed the door and Tuomas turned to her.  
"Wow," he whispered and looked down at his best friend. "Tarja ... I don't know what to say."  
"Why, what do you want to say?"  
Tuomas swallowed again. "I want to tell you how much I've missed you. More like that, I want to show you. But I'm afraid that wouldn't be good for our friendship."  
Tarja sighed again. They had kept their promise and hadn't had sex since their second time half a year ago but none of them could deny that they didn't miss it.  
"So ... how's college?" Tuomas tried to change the subject after Tarja didn't answer.  
"Great, really great," Tarja said. "I'll tell you later, I really should get dressed now."  
Tuomas laughed. "You're right, sorry. I guess I'm already used to you in underwear."  
"Like it happened so often," Tarja joked and vanished in her bedroom.  
Her heart was pounding fast - it seemed she wasn't the only one who couldn't forget about their nights together.

Tuomas took his time to look around. It didn't look too different since the last time he had been here, only that you could see that now a young man was living here as well. The dishes weren't done and the books were just lying around on the floor. Tuomas lifted them up and placed them back on the shelf.  
"You don't need to clean up," Tarja suddenly said behind him. Tuomas turned around and had to smile immediately.  
"This is a Christmas party, Tarja."  
"And an album release party," Tarja said and stroke the side of her purple corset. "I didn't want to wear an ugly Christmas sweater."  
Tuomas clicked his tongue. "You look amazing. But I still prefer you without it."  
Tarja blushed.  
"Uhm ... could you help me closing it by the way?" She turned around and stroke her hair aside. Tuomas took the ribbons of the corset and pulled them tighter. While knotting them together, he couldn't resist to lean down and smell the nape of her neck. Plant a little kiss on the skin there ...  
Tarja sighed. "Tuomas ..."  
And Tuomas pulled her against him. "Do you feel how hard you make me?" he mumbled against her ear conch.  
Tarja moaned quietly, as he pressed his erection against her lower back. "So fast ...?"  
"I only need to see you." Tuomas traced his fingertips over her upper arms. "Only hear your voice ..."  
"How many times have you masturbated while thinking of me?" Tarja whispered.  
"So many times. I only think of you," Tuomas admitted and let his fingers travel over her chest. "And you?"  
"I also only think about you," Tarja said. "But my fingers can't make me cum like yours."  
"I think your fingers need some private lessons by me, then," Tuomas said and made his right hand go down, enter her leather pants, slip beneath her panties. He moaned as he touched her middle and immediately felt the wetness.  
"You're not the only one," Tarja whispered, "who's getting erected quickly."  
"I can ... I can feel it," Tuomas breathed and let his finger circle her clit. "Oh my god ..."  
"Goddess," Tarja corrected him quietly and placed one leg on the couch, closing her eyes. "A bit harder ..."  
"Sorry, my goddess." Tuomas pressed harder, eager to make her fall over the edge quickly. He had done it a few times before, he knew exactly where to touch her. She enjoyed his touches, the way his finger stimulated the exact spot that needed it the most.  
And as she came, she came with loud and high pitched moans. And, Tuomas knew that, if he continued, the feeling wouldn't stop for her.  
Her orgasms always lasted long and this time was no exception. And as she finished releasing herself, she collapsed against him, whispering "I think I need to change again ..."

They arrived at the party later than expected, of course, so they had agreed that Tuomas simply had overslept. But no one asked anyway, everyone was already busy drinking.  
"Do you want a drink?" Tuomas asked his friend.  
"Nah, I cut down drinking," Tarja said. "Just water."  
"I'm driving tonight," Tuomas said and smiled. "Get smashed."  
"I'd rather not," Tarja laughed and Tuomas shrugged.  
"Okay so anti for the both of us. Stay here, I'll be back."  
Tarja heart was beating as he rushed away. Why did being with him feel like a relationship somehow? It felt good, all in all. But did she want a relationship? Tarja wasn't sure but she didn't think so, since Tuomas was her best friend. If that relationship would go downhill, so would their friendship.  
But there was an undeniable feeling she felt whenever she looked at him, only if it was him returning it two cups of sparkling water - longing. She longed for him.

"Enjoy the party?" Tuomas asked a while later. People were drunk and the music was too loud, it was a typical Finnish Christmas party, so Tarja just shrugged.  
"Should I?" she called and laughed.  
"Wanna dance?" Tuomas called back and Tarja laughed again, shaking her head.  
"You can't dance to metal!"  
"Well then, wanna headbang?" Tuomas tried again and once again Tarja shook her head.  
"I'd like to go somewhere else," she said and Tuomas took her hand, pulling her outside.  
They sat down at the grounds of the veranda, watching their band mates playing beer pong.  
"This is so brainless," Tarja commented after she watched Emppu knock down his tenth shot or something. "He can't even stand anymore."  
"It's his own decision," Tuomas said, making Tarja shake her head.  
"We're wonderful friends. We should keep him from getting smashed like that ..."  
"Or," Tuomas mumbled and his lips went closer to her ear, "or we could go home and fuck our brains out of the other ..."  
Tarja looked at him, her knees getting weak. If he just wasn't so unbelievingly good ...  
She grinned at him. "Okay."

They didn't even make it back to the apartment.  
Halfway on their way back to Kitee, Tuomas stopped his car at a gas station. After refilling gas, he parked the car a little aloof the station, next to a big tree. It was dark there. And beneath that tree, right inside his car, he took his girl the way he had longed for months.

An hour later they arrived at Tarja's flat.  
"Thanks for the nice evening," she said and kissed her friend's cheek. "I especially enjoyed our little private party."  
"Me too," Tuomas whispered and caressed her waist. "Would you want to ... continue?"  
"I don't know," Tarja whispered. "Toni ..."  
"Right," Tuomas remembered and Tarja showed him to wait and be quiet. On her tiptoes she snuck to Toni's room and opened quietly.  
It was dark inside.  
Damn it ...  
She held her breath and switched the lights on, hoping that she wouldn't wake him. If he was even there.  
He wasn't.  
She released her breath and went back, giving Tuomas a breathtaking smile. "Come in," she purred and reached back, pulling the ribbons of her corset open.

The corset fell. The leather pants fell. Tuomas' black shirt and jeans fell.  
He plunged into her and Tarja screamed, why was he feeling _so damn perfect!?_  
She dug her nails into his skin, moved her pelvis against him, stretched her back and tensed her thighs. She knew how he loved it.  
And as Tuomas reached down to touch her clit, she couldn't hold it any longer. With loud breaths she came again that evening, this time taking him with her.  
And even though Tuomas knew he should better go home, he stayed. Spooning his friend, he fell asleep in her bed, waking up to the sound of Tarja's alarm clock the next day.  
With a groan the singer shut off the alarm, stretching herself.  
"Morning," she yawned and leaned down.  
Before she could kiss Tuomas, she remembered that they _weren't_ _together__!_  
"Morning," Tuomas yawned back. "How did you sleep?"  
"Really good." Tarja bit her lip. "Tuomas ..."  
"Yes, I know," Tuomas sighed. "We did it again. It was wrong, it was a mistake -"  
"Yes," Tarja mumbled. "But ... maybe we should really try it."  
"Try ... what?" Tuomas looked at her. "That friends with benefits thing?"  
"Yeah. I mean, I know you said you didn't want to do it but -"  
"I want it," Tuomas interrupted her and Tarja smiled. "I've had half a year to think about it and I want to try it. Just sex. Nothing fancy like dates or feelings. Just sex."  
Tarja nodded. "No dates, no feelings, no affection."  
"And no gifts," Tuomas said. "No personal gifts. I of course have a Christmas present for you already."  
"Aww," Tarja giggled and blushed. "But yes, no Valentine's day cards or flowers or anything else. No feelings."  
"No feelings," Tuomas agreed and they shook hands.

Both Tarja and Tuomas were busy on Christmas eve, but one day later, on Tuomas' birthday, Tuomas threw a party again. This time it would stay a small party at his flat, just the boys from the band plus Tero, Sirja and of course Tarja.  
This time something was different, though.  
"No one can sleep here tonight," he told the others in the beginning. "I promised my neighbours not to. Remember last year?"  
"Fuck yeah!" Sami screamed.  
"I get you, man. After the police arrived ..." Jukka shook his head. "Not nice."  
"Yeah. New year's eve we can party hard again," Emppu said.  
The pizzas arrived, they cracked bottles, they exchanged gifts.  
And as Tuomas asked Tarja to help him in the kitchen a while later, he told her:  
"You can sleep here, of course."  
"Are you sure? Your neighbours might get the police as well if I stay here ..."  
"Looking forward to it," Tuomas whispered and wanted to kiss Tarja's lips - but Tarja backed away.  
"Tuomas! No affection!"  
"Sorry," Tuomas mumbled. "Your lips looked so yummy."  
Tarja giggled. "I can't wait to taste you later."  
"Now I'm getting hard," Tuomas mumbled and bit his lips. "Tari, don't say stuff like that to me!"  
Tarja winked at him and left the car with a bowl of chips, swaying her hips more than usual.

The week to new year's eve went by fast but not fast enough for Tarja.  
Ever since she and Tuomas had agreed to try being friends with benefits, she had thought about him in more way than that and had come to the end that not developing feelings for him would be harder than she had thought. Tuomas was a really wonderful man, he was good looking, funny, calm and caring. He didn't just have his way with Tarja, he pleased her. He didn't stop until she came at least once. He never forgot to make her come and he always kissed the top of her head before either of them left.  
They hadn't done anything this whole week, besides exchanging nasty text messages.  
Tarja had started it with _"Hey Tuomas, __I'm__ at my parent's house __and_ _they're_ _having__ food __I_ _don't__ like. I'd rather have you in my mouth right now ..."_  
Tuomas continued with _"You can come over any time, you know? __I'm__ also __drinking__ juice right __now__, wishing it was your special juice ..."_  
So they had continued. And at Emppu's new year's eve celebration they met again, starting the new year with some good loving.


	3. 1999 - January

Tarja yawned and looked around.  
They had ended up in his apartment again, basically spending all night having their way woth each other.  
Tarja slowly got out of the bed, this time even more quietly, so she wouldn't wake him up. This time she also took her clothes out of his room and carried them the bathroom to get dressed there.  
While taking a shower, she thought about their agreement once again. Just sex, no feelings.  
So far it worked fine but Tarja had had a small crush on him a few years ago, so she wasn't sure if she wouldn't fail on the agreement.  
But for now it felt good. She needed a break from her reality and Tuomas was amazing with taking her mind off of things.  
After drying herself she placed herself in front of the mirror naked, looking at her reflection. How Tuomas treated her ... like she was a raw diamond. Like she was a piece of gold. The way he caressed and kissed her body, carefully and loving.  
And then again, in the heat of the moment, he grabbed her hard.  
Maybe it was more than sex to him.  
Wasn't that why he had disagreed on having a friends with benefits friendship (or could it be called a relationship even?) in the first place?  
Tarja looked at all the love bites he had left on her body.  
She was caressing them, as she saw that the door behind her was opening.  
Tuomas came in and approached her, his eyes clearly drawn to her backside.  
"Good morning," he said, his voice rough. He was naked too and Tarja grinned as he hugged her, pressing his erection against her back.  
He moaned against her head.  
"I want you ..."  
"Take me," Tarja whispered and leaned forward. "Take me here ..."  
His hands travelled up to her breasts and started playing with her nipples until Tarja moaned loudly.  
"Have me ..."  
"I will," Tuomas breathed and let a hand vanish between her legs. "Oh my god," he mumbled as he felt the wetness dripping out of her. "I will have you right here ..."  
And he did. He took her right leg and placed it on the bathtub, bent her upper body down and entered her from behind.  
Tarja screamed and pressed her hands against the wall, pressing herself against him, making him going even deeper inside. Tuomas grabbed her hips and pushed her back and forth, entering her again and again in a fast movement.  
Tarja threw her head back and screamed once more. He was so deep inside, she could feel him slamming against her cervix, which wasn't exactly comfortable.  
But she liked it rough and Tuomas knew that.  
And this was no exception, once again she left his house with scratches, bite marks and hickeys all over her body.  
She felt sore and barely could walk.  
And she enjoyed it.  
Tarja wondered what was wrong with her.  
Deep in thoughts she called a taxi to bring her home, even though it wasn't far she didn't feel like walking with her limbs aching like that.  
She also had to take the elevator to the first floor, as she feared that she would die to the try of climbing the stairs up to her apartment.  
Hoping that Toni wasn't at home, she put the key into the lock and turned around.  
Tried to turn. She couldn't, since it wasn't locked.  
"Fuck," Tarja mumbled and entered the apartment quietly.  
But halfway on the way to her room, Toni noticed her.  
"Tarja! Hey!"  
"Hi," Tarja answered, clutching her coat over her sloppily dressed clothes. "I'll just hop into something more comfy -"  
"Wow, you look done," her brother interrupted her. "Are you okay?"  
"Hm? Yeah, I am."  
Toni came closer. "What's that in your face?"  
"What's in my face?" Tarja asked casually.  
"A scratch," Toni replied. "Did you have a fight?"  
"I have a scratch in my face?" Tarja wondered when it had happened. She couldn't remember Tuomas nor herself scratching her face. "I guess it was myself while I was sleeping."  
Toni shook his head and laughed. "Crazy, that you are. I for my part think you spent the night at a good guy friend of yours, doing god knows what."  
"What should we do?" Tarja asked and eyed Toni suspiciously.  
"Well, allow me to say that but you look pretty ... fucked. You know what I mean."  
Tarja blushed. "That's none of your business," she mumbled and hurried into her room. There she looked right into the mirror and noticed that Toni was right - there was a light scratch that went all over her right cheek down to her chin. Her hair looked tousled and her lips looked sore. She was basically looking the way she felt.  
The way that Toni had said she looked like: fucked.  
But Tarja knew it wasn't over.  
It wouldn't be over for a long time.

And Tarja was right. For the next days they only chatted on a daily basis but oh, how they chatted. Tarja had to finish what they started every time they ended their chatting.  
And a week later, the day before Tarja would go back to college, they met again.  
First they decided to watch a movie, they were still best friends after all.  
But halfway through the movie, Tuomas paused and kissed her.  
They slept with each other, right there, right on Tuomas' couch.  
And later they did not finish the movie, instead Tuomas carried his capture into the bedroom to claim her again and again.  
And then it happened.  
Tarja was in his bed, naked and satisfied.  
Tuomas was in the kitchen, naked as well, preparing some snacks for them, snacks they could potentially eat off of each other.  
He was just about to carry the tray to the bedroom, as the doorbell rang.   
First Tuomas was determined to ignore it and started placing the melted chocolate on her body. He wiped the chocolate off of her with strawberries, grapes and apple pieces and ate them, while Tarja moaned without an interruption.  
"I love Tarja-flavoured chocolate," he told her and licked over her chocolate covered nipple.  
But the visitor didn't stop ringing.  
At some point Tuomas couldn't ignore it anymore. What if something had happened?  
With a groan he got into his bathrobe and went to the door, opening it.  
"Finally!" Emppu called and squeezed himself past Tuomas into his apartment.  
"Emppu!" Tuomas called. He panicked - he hadn't closed the bedroom door.  
"What took you so long?"  
"I was sleeping, man," Tuomas commented.  
"Tried to call you, dude," Emppu let himself fall on the couch. "What you've been up to?"  
"Emppu?" Tuomas said. "I hate to say that but please leave. You're not wanted here right now."  
"WHAT?" Emppu clutched his shirt over his heart.  
"It's a really bad timing."  
"But you called me here," Emppu said. "Yesterday - remember?"  
"No, I -" Tuomas started but then he remembered. He wanted to bring his old dresser to the buy back centre and he needed help with lifting it into his car. Emppu had promised him to come today ... "Sorry," he quickly said and sighed. "But you need to leave now."  
"Let me at least measure your dresser,"Emppu offered and made his way to the bedroom but Tuomas "NO!" made him turn around again.  
"Dude! Everything alright with you?"  
"Don't go to the bedroom I ... I didn't clean up," Tuomas said.  
And suddenly Emppu realised what was wrong with his friend.  
A wide smile spread over his face and he raised his eyebrows. "If I go in there, will I find a naked girl inside?"  
"Maybe," Tuomas said weakly.  
"Oh _damn! _I won't go inside, I promise," Emppu said, grinning even more. "But tell me, who is it?"  
"I can't tell you," Tuomas mumbled.  
"So I know her?" Emppu figured.  
"I ... don't know. Probably."  
"Is she from Kitee?" Emppu asked on and Tuomas sighed.  
"Yes."  
"Just tell me her first name!" Emppu begged. He thought if he knew the first name, he could easier find out who it was.  
"Ahhh - Anna," Tuomas said.  
"Pfff," Emppu snorted. "I know that's not her real name. "Come on, tell me."  
"Emppu, please go now," Tuomas said calmly. "Do you really want to keep your friend from having a good fuck?"  
"No," Emppu said, his grin not vanishing, while he walked to the door. "Really not. Have good fuck, you two. Say hello to Anna."  
Tuomas sighed in relief as he closed the door behind Emppu and could finally return to his Tarja.  
"Sorry," he said and his heart almost stopped as he saw Tarja posing on his bed, naked, waiting and ready for him.  
"It's okay," she said. "Come here. We could play a bit."  
"Play?" Tuomas whispered.  
"Yeah. I'm your sexy teacher Anna and you're my cocky student. Or the other way round, I don't care."  
Tuomas smiled. She was amazing.

His heart was aching as she had to leave the next day, she was returning to her college. He had never felt like this before, no matter for how long she was leaving, but now that they were sleeping with each other, he missed her already if they were only one kilometre or for one night apart from each other.  
Tuomas wondered if he developed feelings for her despite their agreement and he knew he wouldn't be surprised, since sex for him meant feelings (loads of them), Tarja was a wonderful and beautiful woman and he had fancied her already years ago in high school. Of course those feelings had vanished, quite a lot but not fully, so it seemed.  
Tuomas hoped that one day he could look at her, know he was sleeping with her and not feel that strange feeling in his heart.  
What he didn't know - Tarja was feeling exactly the same.  
As she was on the train, she stared out of the window, wishing he was sitting next to her and holding her hand.  
She sighed.  
She hadn't thought she would fall for him again ...  
Now she had one month of missing him ahead, then she'd return to Kitee for semester break. It was only for one week but she hoped she'd spend that break with him. Every day.

Back at college, Tarja realised how much she had actually missed her friends. She greeted them excitedly, asking them how they had spent their holidays.  
One of her friends hugged her even longer than the other ones, kissing her cheek.  
"I missed you," he whispered into her ear and Tarja pulled back, looking at Janne.  
"I missed you too," she lied. Him she hadn't missed. He was way too touchy towards her, took her hand a lot, caressed her hair or face.  
Tarja thought he had a crush on her but there was more to it. He never stopped looking at her, never. Not during class, not during dinner, not nuring their free time.  
Tarja felt stalked.

Nonetheless he was a good friend and did everything for her. Of course he only did everything for her to succeed seducing her.  
Janne liked her but mostly he just wanted to get her laid, because who could vaunt with the fact he had slept with Tarja Turunen from Nightwish?  
Tarja suspected it and told herself she couldn't do it. Not because she wouldn't want to (Janne was indeed very good looking and without a doubt he was good in bed) but only thinking about it felt like betraying Tuomas.  
She knew that their pact had included being allowed to sleep with other people but now that Tarja had the possibility to, she couldn't.  
She wanted to feel only Tuomas inside of her, beneath her or on top of her. Only his body fitted perfectly with her and only he knew exactly what she liked.  
Tarja realised during class and the realisation hit her like a lightning bolt.  
She was in love with him ...  
Her heart started racing, her mind started turning and she felt like vomiting.  
She had fallen in love with Tuomas ...  
This was bad. This was really bad.


	4. 1999 - February

Tuomas loved the way she got tight around him as soon as he touched her clit while plunging into her. The tightness, the light vibration of her whole body, that made him tremble, as well as her moans and screams. He just loved it and he had a hard time holding himself back. She was so beautiful, the way she lied on the bed, her legs parted just for him, her limbs tensed, just because of him.  
Sweat ran down between her beautiful breasts, her hair stuck on her wet face, her hands searched for him blindly. They travelled over his chest, stomach, hips, they grabbed him, pulled him closer against herself, made him go deeper into her.  
Her lips parted and a silent, "Oh my god, _yes! _That's it ..." escaped them and only seconds later Tuomas could feel it. He had to suppress a moan, now it was definitely hard staying inside of her. She was _so tight. _Tuomas feared that, if he'd move, he'd slip out of her. With an open mouth he watched her, she came quietly, but she came hard. The feeling around his dick was impossible to describe, he felt her walls clench and release, again and again. He applied more pressure to her clit and Tarja gasped.  
She wasn't over yet.  
Her whole body was trembling, shaking, she was breathing fast and high pitched. Tuomas moaned.  
And then he couldn't restrain himself anymore. The feeling was too much for him, he put his hands behind her thighs and with a hard last push into her, he let go.  
And while Tarja's silent orgasm slowly faded, Tuomas came with loud moans. He moaned her name, as usual.  
Tarja's heart was racing as she opened her eyes and saw this beautiful man coming only because of her, with only her name on his lips.  
"Tarja," he moaned, "oh my ... _Tarja ... _what a fucking goddess you are ..."  
Tarja smiled lightly.  
Wow ...  
He collapsed on her, making their sweaty bodies collied.  
For a while they just lied there, quietly, exhausted, happy.  
"Tuomas?" Tarja whispered after a while. He had stopped breathing fast and was now breathing slowly, so Tarja feared that he had fallen asleep on top of her.  
But Tuomas lifted his head and looked at her. "Yeah?"  
"I would like to take a shower."  
"Sure," Tuomas mumbled but didn't move.  
"Tuo - you need to get off of me," Tarja giggled and kissed the part of his face she could reach, his temple. She didn't worry about showing affection.  
"Wait a second," Tuomas said quietly. "I first need to ... wow, I missed you."  
"I missed you too," Tarja said and smiled.  
"You are so fucking amazing," Tuomas said and sighed. "I'd like to do this every day for the rest of my life."  
Tarja's heart stopped for a moment. Was he suggesting what she thought??  
She remained quiet.  
"Tarja ... you are really amazing. I'm glad I can share this with you. I'm glad I can call you my best friend and so much more." He looked at her now, cupped her face. Then he leaned down and kissed her lips gently, before he looked at her with puppy eyes. "Are you ready for a relationship with me?"  
As much as Tarja's heart screamed _YES!, _she shook her head.  
"I like what we have now. It's just sex and it's fabulous. We don't have to worry about anything else besides our own needs. What if we started a relationship? I'll get jealous because of every girl you will be talking to. We will spend more time together, we'll probably fight, our sex drive will get lower -"  
"Tarja, I get a boner just seeing you, I doubt this will happen," Tuomas said and tried to kiss her again. Tarja turned her head.  
"You are very good in bed, Tuo. No one has ever made me come so fast and so long. And then three times in a row! But I know how things change in a relationship and I don't want this."  
"Okay," Tuomas said. "I respect your opinion."  
"Good." Tarja stroke his cheek. "And now I want to take a shower."

Cold water. She needed cold water now. Breathing slowly she leaned her forehead against the wall and told herself to calm down.  
_I want a relationship with him. I __really_ _want__ it. But we promised __each__ other not to develop __feelings__. __Don't__ give in, this __will__ all fail. __Everything__ will go the wrong way, if we open __ourselves__ to __those_ _feelings__. __Don't__ ..._  
Suddenly the water became warmer.  
And before Tarja could turn around and see what was wrong, two hands grabbed her hips and pulled her against another wet body.  
Tarja moaned.  
Tuomas was hard again.  
"See what you do to me?" he mumbled into her ear and let his hands travel over her breasts, play with her nipples, move lower, made them vanish between her legs. "Don't doubt I would lose my sex drive one day. Not with you. I want to fuck you so hard," he breathed and Tarja couldn't help herself. She wanted it too, she wanted him to take her right here and now. Again and again. She lifted her leg and leaned her knee against the cold wall of the bathroom.  
"Will this work?" she whispered.  
Without giving her an answer, Tuomas entered her. He took her hips and moved her back and forth, while rocking against her.  
And again he payed very much attention to her most sensitive spot, as his fingers played with it in a fast motion. Tarja came first, again. And this time he didn't wait until she was finished, this time he wanted to tumble over the edge together with her.  
He took her hips and pulled her against him, letting go.  
The air was filled with moans and breaths as they came in unison, hot water dripped down on them, washing away newly built sweat.  
And together they collapsed, on the shower floor, wrapped in a tight embrace.  
_I love you!! _Tarja's mind screamed. _Damn it, just say it. Three words. __It's__ not hard._  
But she never said it.

Tarja returned to the college a week later. Her mind was with Tuomas, of course, they had spent every single night together. They had slept with each other so many times during that one week, Tarja had lost count on it. She tried to remember every single time and counted twelve times. Maybe less, maybe more.  
_Twelve times in a_ _week. Oh, and that one time I __gave__ him a blowjob in the studio bathroom. That one was wicked._  
Tarja had to grin. Yes, that one time they had been to the studio, meeting the boys and Tero for some new informations regarding a new album. Tuomas was already writing songs and Tero had wanted to record some demos. During a short break, Tarja had went to the bathroom and Tuomas had followed her, telling the guys he needed to smoke a cigarette. He had originally wanted to fuck her but Tarja had declined.  
_Not on a toilet, _she had said, _and not while the guys are close. But if __you'll__ manage to come quietly, __I'll__ give you what __you__ need._  
He had managed. And he had come very fast, the guys hadn't even questioned them being gone together. Tarja was proud of herself, she knew she was very good. Tuomas had looked very satisfied.  
The singer sighed and looked out of the window.  
This time they would be parted for even longer than a month ...  
It was so horrible for her, she thought of inviting Tuomas over for a weekend. But that'd look too much like a relationship. Right?  
Besides that, Tarja doubted that Tuomas would visit her for just a fuck. Sure, he was a man, but still.  
Time went by and in the end of February Tarja learned that she didn't necessarily need Tuomas to have sex.  
Because Janne wanted her too.  
And her friend Janne was good in bed too - at least she thought so.  
Spending more time with Janne than usual, she slowly noticed what a nice guy he actually was.  
And she slowly grew to like him more and more, realising that her feelings for Tuomas only had grown because of them having sex on a daily basis.  
With Janne it was different.  
He was the perfect gentleman. He was funny and loving. He was perfect.  
So was Tuomas, of course, but Tuomas was her best friend.  
Janne ... he was a potential boyfriend.  
Yet she couldn't sleep with him before talking to her best friend, the one she shared a deep, intimate bond with.  
So she called him. That day before Janne's birthday party she called him.

"Tarja? Hi!" Tuomas was obviously surprised that she called him. "Everything okay over there?"  
"Yeah," she replied. "How are you?"  
"I'm fine. Well, not really. I miss you and your tight, wet pussy."  
"Oh, damn," Tarja said and laughed quietly. "I'd love to dirty talk right now, but I'm not alone."  
"Dirty talk??" Tuomas heard a girl screech in the background. "Who is it, Tarja? Is it Janne??"  
Tuomas' heart stopped beating for a moment. "Janne?" he asked.  
Tarja sighed. "Fuck. Uhm, Rebekka? Could you go outside for a moment ...? Thanks." Tuomas listened to a few seconds of silence, until Tarja spoke up again. "Tuomas, I'm really sorry. We're alone now. Sorry."  
"So ... who's Janne?" Tuomas asked. His heart felt like someone had it in his tight grip and wouldn't let it go.  
"Janne is a friend from college. He's interested in me ... and I'm kinda interested in him too."  
The invisible person ripped out Tuomas' heart in a fast move.  
"That went fast. Only two weeks ago you were with me, letting me fuck out your brain."  
"He was already present to that time," Tarja said and Tuomas laughed.  
"What? You cheated on him ... with me? Wow, he must be really bad in bed."  
"Stop it, Tuo. No, we aren't even dating yet. I first wanted to know ... if you're okay with it."  
"Well, sure," Tuomas said coldly. "That was part of the deal, wasn't it? No fancy stuff, no feelings, other sex partners allowed."  
"If Janne and I will become a couple, we can't continue," Tarja said.  
"I know," Tuomas said through gritted teeth. His hand was clenching his phone. "I knew this wasn't a good idea ... that whole friends with benefits thing."  
"Don't say that," Tarja sighed. "Why do you think so?"  
"Because ... because currently I feel like I was losing you."  
"You're not losing me. Hey," Tarja said and her voice sounded soft. "So the deal is off but ... do you think we can still be friends?"  
Tuomas sunk his head. Friends. Sure she didn't want to lose him as a friend, but could he still be her friend after this? After being so intimate with her, after falling for her like he had?  
He swallowed. "Sure. Sure, what do you think, Tari? What would I do without you?"  
Tarja let out a relieved breath. "Good. I'll see you in April, Tuo. Easter holidays."  
"Cool," Tuomas replied. "I'll write some new songs until then."  
"Awesome!" Tarja said happily. "Do you have a name for the album yet?"  
"I'm tending to _Wishmaster_. Like the song," Tuomas said. Why were they still talking? Right now he just felt like hanging up and crying.  
"Cool," Tarja mumbled. "I like it."  
They didn't say a word for a few horribly long seconds.  
"Well," Tarja finally spoke up, "I gotta hang up. My room mate is waiting outside and I don't think it's nice of me to keep her waiting."  
"Sure, sure," Tuomas said quickly. "See you in April, then."  
"Yeah, see you," Tarja said. "Thanks for the talk."  
"Sure," Tuomas mumbled. He felt empty inside.  
"Hey," Tarja said, her voice quiet again. "Tuo. I love you. Okay?"  
Tuomas closed his eyes. He knew she didn't mean it the way he wanted her to mean it. The way he meant it.  
"I love you too, Tari," he whispered, his heart clenching with pain.  
This whole deal was a mistake. Them saying that they wouldn't develop feelings was a huge lie.  
Tuomas hung up without waiting for an answer, stumbled to his bed, let himself fall on it and cried. For the first time he cried because of a woman.


End file.
